I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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