did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
