my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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