I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
