epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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