just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
