I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
