I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
