I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
