I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
