They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
