Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
