Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
