I have demons in me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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