Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
