Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
