the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
