While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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