she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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