I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
