I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
