your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
its not stalking. its research.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
