my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
