hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
