I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
