Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I fill condoms, not promises.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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