I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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