Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
