Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
