the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
