Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
