3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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