Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
