My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
