Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I love how my cats smell like pot.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
