If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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