I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
