Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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