i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
