Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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