I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
