Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
