Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
