She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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