Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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