hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
