My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think I sprained my soul last night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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