So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
