If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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