He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
