I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
home. puking in laundry basket.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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